人脉学糟粕中的一朵奇葩

 
我们大部分人已经知道，在这个世界上任何两个人之间只需要通过六个中间人就可以互相认识。这是怎样实现的？


 Because some of those people know many, many more people than the rest of us.


这本书就是教你成为这种super-connectors（超级交际枢纽）。



本书作者从小时候给人当球童起，就发现了人脉的重要性，便不断地摸索和总结如何经营和提升自己人脉圈的方法。多年的摸爬滚打，使他终于从白手起家的穷小子，变成一颗美国商界璀璨的新星。他把自己如何与商场或政界中的风云人物交往的过程，用生动的笔调写了出来。读起来轻松活泼，不像国内某些用剪刀、糨糊攒起来的图书，大同小异、毫无趣味





这本书可以归结为卡内基How to win friends and influence people的升级版，理念几乎相同，境界却更高。




卡内基的这本书，中文译名，人性的弱点，风靡世界长达70多年。以前因为这个书名太功利，我自命清高对其嗤之以鼻，把它束之高阁。之后买了原版看，从此打破了自己对成功学一类书的看法，还做了长长的读书笔记http://book.douban.com/review/5291451/





说实话，以前自己对美国self-help类的成功学书从来没有好感，觉得都是其功利民族特性下催生出的金钱至上浅薄干瘪的小伎俩。然而近年来，我发现美国也慢慢涌现出了一批同样以人们谋福祉为目的，但充满灵气的指导性书籍，Stephen的7 habit算是第一本，现在这本never eat alone同样达到这样的境界。



现在年见识阅历渐长，越发觉卡内基的技巧非常有用的。卡内基他抓住了维系人际关系中一些关键的技术性的东西，人性中的“弱点”，基本上可以达到无往不利的地步。




但为什么我总是觉得有一种 “动机不纯” 的感觉？特别是当交朋友这种事情，都被诡秘地隐藏了某种目的，辅之以各种看似贴心的手段，越发让人觉得无法亲近。




Never eat alone把卡内基的理念进一步升华，也回答了我一直困惑的问题。




人之所以为人，就是因为我们活在各种各样的社会关系网中。自知或者不自知，这个由各种关系结成的网，也千头万缕地把我们生命的轨迹缠绕和左右。作者指出，从某种程度而言，把握生命，其实就是把握这些千丝万缕的关系网。如果这些或亲情，友情，伙伴的关系本身光明磊落，健康向上，那我们的人生轨迹也必将也是向上的





这是一本健康，向上，指导你如何交真心朋友，度过成功，有意义的人生的书。




作者最后是这么说的：




我们不是为了搞人际关系而去交朋友，不断去结识朋友，它本身就是一种生活方式，所谓成功的人际交往其实就是以另一种方式来看这个世界。


It's a way of living. I started to realize that connecting was actually a way of seeing the world.




总之，我们都要度过各自的人生，而所谓人生，本质上就是我们在这一生中跟哪些人共同度过。(In the end, we all live one life. And that life is all about the people we live it with.)





欢迎来到关联的时代！！



Welcome to the Connected Age.





End



============================


readingnote:


非常长，留给自己看吧。



1贫穷的真正可怕之处

.Poverty, I realized, wasn't only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people that could help you make more of yourself.


2.没有白手兴家之辈，没有人能脱离别人的帮助

There is no such thing as a "self-made" man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for
us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into
the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our
Success.

3.先付出后索取

You gain trust by asking not what people can
do for you, to paraphrase an earlier Kennedy, but what you can do
for others.In other words, the currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.

4.如何结识更多的人

Right now, there are countless ways you can begin to create the kind of community that can help further your career. You can: (1)create a company-approved project that will force you to learnnew skills and introduce you to new people within your company;(2) take on leadership positions in the hobbies and outside organizations that interest you; (3) join your local alumni club and spend time with people who are doing the jobs you'd like to be doing; (4) enroll in a class at a community college on a subject
that relates to either the job you're doing now or a job you see
yourself doing in the future


5.你去请求人家帮助，最坏的结果，只不过是NO。那你还怕什么？Every time I start to set limits to what I can and can't do, or fear
starts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle.
I remind myself how people with a low tolerance for risk,
whose behavior is guided by fear, have a low propensity for success.The memories of those days have stuck with me. My father
taught me that the worst anyone can say is no. If they choose not
to give their time or their help, it's their loss.
Nothing in my life has created opportunity like a willingness
to ask, whatever the situation

6.冒险，则卓越。The choice isn't between success and failure; it's between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity


7.别扯淡

Don't schmooze.
Have something to say, and say it with passion. Make sure you
have something to offer when you speak, and offer it with sincerity.


8.记住别人的名字，你就没什么人认识不到了

Remember, if you're organized, focused, and a stickler for taking
names, there's no one that's out of reach.


9.兴趣才是大家互相交往的最纯真动机

Shared interests are the basic building blocks of any relationshipIt is what you do together that matters, not how often you
meet. That's why you have to pay special attention to where you're
most comfortable and what activities you most enjoy.
Usually it's the events and activities you excel at that you're
most passionate about.


10.花时间交朋友也不要忘了你身边最重要的人

Of course, we all need to schedule the appropriate time
with friends and family as well, or just to read or relax. While
enriching your life to include others whenever and wherever you
104 Never Eat Alone
can, make sure you're not neglecting the key relationships in
your life.
When your day is fueled by passion, filled with interesting
people to share it with, reaching out will seem less like a challenge
or a chore and more like an effortless consequence of the way
you work.


11.要步步紧随，做好跟进方案

Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Then you'll be
miles ahead by following up better and smarter than the hordes
scrambling for the person's attention. The fact is, most people
don't follow up very well, if at all. Good follow-up alone elevates
you above 95 percent of your peers. The follow-up is the hammer
and nails of your networking tool kit.
In fact, FOLLOW-UP IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN ANY
FIELD.

12让跟进成为一种习惯

.Make follow-up a habit. Make it automatic. When you do,
the days of struggling to remember people's names—and of other
people struggling to remember yours—will be a thing of the
Past.

13.演讲是让人认识你最有效的方式

But there may be no better place to extend your professional
network and, on occasion, get deals done


14演讲的重要性

Listen. Better Yet, Speak.Calm yourself. First, you should know that giving speeches is
one of the easiest and most effective ways to get yourself, your
business, and your ideas seen, heard of, and remembered,

15做了准备工作，你知道每个人，你就牛逼了


.Be an Information Hub
Once you've created an opportunity to meet new people,
establish yourself as an "information hub"—a key role of any
good networker

16.休息时间就是你认识人的时间


Breaks Are No Time to Take a Break
Breaks are where the real work happens at a conference.
Make sure and stake out the right place.


17弱联系才是真正有价值的


.weak ties" are generally more important
than those you consider strong.

Your weak ties, on the other hand, generally occupy a very different
world than you do. They're hanging out with different people,
often in different worlds, with access to a whole inventory of
knowledge and information unavailable to you and your close
Friends.


18. 别他妈总是和同事扯淡，花时间结交不同的有趣的人吧！！


Hunt out people who look and act and
sound nothing like you do. Seek out ideas from people you don't
ordinarily talk to who inhabit professional worlds you don't ordinarily
travel in.In one word: Connect. In four better words: Connect with the
Connectors.


19.分享自己的圈子给其他朋友

The most efficient way to enlarge and tap the full potential of
your circle of friends is, quite simply, to connect your circle
with someone else's.


20分享圈子的作用

.If you are sharing someone else's circle of friends, be sure that
you adequately acknowledge the person who ushered you into
this new world, and do so in all the subsequent connections that
they helped foster.
Never forget the person who brought you to the dance.


21.搭讪的用处

As Harrell's study confirmed, the more successfully you use
language, the faster you can get ahead in life.
So what should your objective be in making small talk? Good
question. The goal is simple: Start a conversation, keep it going,
create a bond, and leave with the other person thinking


22.做你自己是最简洁的方式，不用烦。


When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the
name of the game. Confound expectation. Shake it up. How?
There's one guaranteed way to stand out in the professional world:
Be yourself


23.帮助人家完成他的梦想！！


"What's Your Mission?" the
answer to "What do you really want?" determines all that you do
and all the people who help you accomplish it. It provides the
blueprint for all your efforts to reach out and connect with others.
Likewise, when you understand someone else's mission, you hold
the key to opening the door to what matters most to them. Knowing
that will help you create deep, long-lasting bonds.



24.记住这个宗旨，关联即每个人你见到的人都是一个能帮助你，或者你帮助人的机会

Connecting is a philosophy of life, a worldview. Its guiding principleis that people, all people, every person you meet, is an opportunity
to help and be helped


25.事业的本质。

This is far from a trivial question. Business is, after all, the ability
to motivate a group of individuals to move an idea from concept
to reality; to take a theory and make it a practice; to gain the
buy-in of your employees and colleagues; to encourage others to
execute your plans


26. 认可他人是最重要的。

The only way to get people to do anything is to recognize their
importance and thereby make them feel important. Every person's
deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized.
What better way is there to show appreciation and to lavish
praise on others than to take an interest in who they are and what
their mission is?


27.财富，健康，子女，这三样是每个人最渴求别人能帮助的，若你能提供这三方面的帮助，别人感激不尽啊有木有


When you help someone through a health issue, positively
impact someone's personal wealth, or take a sincere interest in
their children, you engender life-bonding loyalty.



29不停介绍可以朋友可以双赢的机会


.I'm constantly introducing two people from different
parts of my life who might benefit from knowing each
other. It's a sort of ongoing puzzle, matching up the right people
and the right opportunities. Once you, too, start to see the world
this way, it opens up exciting opportunities. It's both rewarding
and fun.

30.如果要靠自己成功，你要两年。如果你努力帮助别人成功，那你成功则需两个月

To paraphrase Dale Carnegie: You can be more successful in
two months by becoming really interested in other people's success
than you can in two years trying to get other people interested
in your own success


31写作非常重要

.And writing articles can be a great boost for
your career. It provides instant credibility and visibility. It can
become a key arrow in your self-marketing quiver, creating relationships
with highly respected people and helping you develop a
skill that's always in high demand.


32.为什么我们要结交成功的人？


Why is it that we're so taken with the lives of big achievers? If
we measure our accomplishments against the accomplishments of
others, it stands to reason that the more accomplished the people
we associate with, the greater our aspirations become.
People who fit our conventional notions of fame and celebrity
often have qualities or skills that we admire. Many of these people
have achieved great things through risk, passion, focus, hard
work, and positive attitudes. And so many of them have overcome
so much.


33不管你以后成就有多大，你不能傲慢，特别是对你的老朋友，这没意思，随时感恩，别装逼，他们是你最好的老朋友


.Most important, I learned that arrogance is a disease that can
betray you into forgetting your real friends and why they're so
important. Even with the best of intentions, too much hubris will
stir up other people's ire and their desire to put you in your place.
So remember, in your hike up the mountain, be humble. Help
others up the mountain along with and before you. Never let the
prospect of a more powerful or famous acquaintance make you
lose sight of the fact that the most valuable connections you have
are those you've already made at all levels. I reach back into my
past regularly to touch base with the folks who have meant so
much to me since I was a kid. I go out of my way to tell the early
mentors what they meant to me and how much they were responsible
for my success today



34人际交往，是一种生活的方式

.It's a way of living. Several years ago, I started
to realize that connecting was actually a way of seeing the world.


.In the end, we all live one life. And that life is all about the
people we live it with.


36.如果我们每天都在和自己喜欢的人打交道，那么工作和生活根本没有界限，你每天都生活在爱当中，幸福死了！！


if a person did what he or she loved, it would feel as if they never worked a day in their life. If your life is filled with people you care about and who care for you,
why concern yourself with "balancing" anything at all?