How to deal with people and win their heart

2 weeks ago, I decided to move in my new house in August and I have to sort out some of my books. I mean, dispose some and keep as few as possible.

I picked one of them and think, what a POPULAR title it is, must be one of the crapped books--

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Hang on, I have friends, I don't need you to tell me how to win friends! Everybody has friends and we all know how to deal with people. But, Ok, I can't be so subjective before I actually read this book. I will see what it teaches and make a fair judgement after I finish the book.

The beginning of the discussion quite impresses me, I have to admit. It is far more interesting than I expected.

In the chapter of Fundamental Techniques, it throughfully explain the power of appreciation. I remember once my dad told me that, appreciation can generate happiness for other people as well as our inner peace. That is quite true! From my experience, people will be more kind towards you if you appreciate what they done for you, even a lift of heavy luggage; and I will be happy if I could see other people smilling back for my sincere Thanks.

The book clarifies the difference between appreciation and flattery:

The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.

And one of the greatest principles I learn from the book is "People desire for a feeling of importance" and I want to learn how to apply this understanding into dealing with people.

Some of the methods I already mastered and thus I save time in repeating here. Some of the methods I found them quite useful and worth practising in the future:

1, Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. (Sometimes I find it hard to memorise those long names and those strange names of people from different countries. I called my colleague Deddy twice for Debby and the person shouting in the email to me, said"My name is Deddy!!" I never say/write his name wrong after that. Calling people's name correctly can win their heart! Otherwise, they will think you careless and not respect them...)

2, In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep on emphasizing the things on which you agree. Get people saying "Yes" and keep them from saying "No".

3, Begin with praise and honest appreciation before you point out the fault of other people.

4, Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other people.

5, Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulaties the creativity of the persons whom you ask. Avoid using Do this and Don't do that. Instead, using Do you think that...or Maybe if we...

Don't misunderstand that the author is telling you how to approach people for your own selfish/money purpose. I think all these principles will help you avoid hurting people, esp those people that you care. And it can help you to promote other people's happiness and make time-long friend that greatly attach to you.

I don't think it is necessary for you to apply this to EVERY person you meet. Use it heartly, use it to bring out your true affection and appreciation, and use it to generate mutual understaning between you and your friends!