The first time I heard about the "tiger mother" was in a class on Asian American culture. The whole class was in a heated discussion, and most of people criticized that this Chinese mother was too cruel in treating her children. I was not familiar with the "tiger mother" at that time, and I wondered why there were so many arguments about a mother. When I googled her, her book's name attracted me immediately: <Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother>. Why did she use the word of "battle" to describe her relationships with her children? How could the war start? After I read the article “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” by the "tiger mother," Amy Chua, and the response by David Brooks, I began to understand why she evoked such a big controversy. There is no right or wrong in Chua's parenting, as both the western or eastern education approaches have merits and demerits. There are lots of different ideologies between eastern and western parents.
Firstly, I have to say the "tiger mother “does not represent most Chinese parents. I lived in China for twenty years, but I seldom saw people treat their children like Chua. However, to be honest, it is true that parents in China are stricter to their children than parents in the United States. The biggest difference between them is the definition of success. In China, or most of Asian countries, most people define success as "get a high status in society." To get into a good college is an essential part of "success"; thus, parents know they have to be strict to their children. They believe children can only follow parents’ rules when they are strict to them, and these parents are very confident that their rules will lead their children to success. Just like the "tiger mother" in her rules it clearly says that her children could never be allowed to attend a sleepover, to have a play date or to be in a school play. It sounds really cruel, but most Chinese parents would like their children save the time attending these activities for study. In the intense competition for the limited admission number of to good colleges, the parents prefer their children to do more practice in mathematics or play an instrument instead of “wasting” the time on “non-value added activities.” Contrarily, most western parents define success as "to be a happy man.” Therefore, they encourage children to make their own decisions; even when decisions are not the parents’ favorite. In David Brooks’s article, he mentions that participating in team activities requires a higher intelligence than playing violin and piano. I agree with David Brooks in this point. As far as I am concerned, the Chua’s parenting is more focused on how to make children be "book smart" rather than “people smart.” She ignore that "people smart" is as important as "book smart" and even more important when children grow up. Chinese students usually have a good grade in mathematics or play an instrument, but some of them might lose of creativity and imaginative power. That is also one of the reasons why it is America that created "Apple" and "Microsoft.”
Furthermore, the growing environment in which a child grows is a significant factor in this discussion. Chua is an Asian American. She emphasize that she brought up her two brilliant children in America, and that is also the reason why she feels like her strict approaching is successful. If she raised her children in China, the result may be different. Her children may be just two good students among thousands of students in school. In this point I think that even though "tiger mother” approach is very controversial, people should not blame her too much. Because people live in different environments and grow in different countries are hard to understand each other. Even though I am Chinese, I do not think I can totally understand Asian Americans. As I know, people like Chua who are living in a western country are stricter to their children. They are usually lack of security, and they are more eager of the social identity than the natives. It is hard to deny that Asian Americans still fight racial discrimination even nowadays. In their mind, getting a good diploma and mastering a special skill are always the best methods to get identification in society. However, sometimes the age, time or language problems block their ways. Therefore, they will place their dreams on their children. They will try to see their children be the top students, or get into Ivy League to avoid the same tragedy happening on their children. On the opposite, there is much less stereotyping of European parents, and most of them do not need to find their social identity in these ways. In different mind-set, they treat their children in different ways. I believe if people get to know more about Asian American, they will understand more of the "tiger mother."
There is no right to judge people, and people have right to live the life they chose.Children have to learn how to work hard and to be responsible to their life, and the premise is to ensure that will not kill their creativity and happiness. There are different ideologies between the East and the West, but no matter what you choose, it is never good to have a battle with your children.
Write by Vicky@ Stony Brook, NY
It Is Not A Battle
《我在美国做妈妈》热门书评
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[zt] 柏蔚林 - 虎妈教育方式:中国传统的荣耀还是悲埃?
117有用 16无用 将来 2011-01-24
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24有用 6无用 欲三更 2011-01-31
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