你所不知道的关于人际关系的工具书

How to win friends and influence people
看了网上的读后感，才知道原来这本书的中文译名原来是人性的弱点。确实是一本Action Book，给我印象比较深的几点是：
1．A habit of reflective thinking. Say every week set aside a day thinking the work and conversation you did this week, which is good, which you will do differently if it went again.

2．Never criticize others, because they have millions of reasons to defend themselves. The harder you criticize them, the harder they push back. What matters is not what I think of them, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.

3．Show sincere appreciation. Sincere is the difference between appreciation and flattery, everyone likes appreciation, but hates flattery.

4．Make people feel important. ‘deserve’ is a magic word. Your deserve to know. You deserve my best performance etc.

5．Make people glad to do what you want them to do approach
1)The technique of giving titles and authority worked for.
2)Make them feel the ideas are yours as well as them.
3)Be sincere; forget the benefits for yourself and concentrate the benefits of others, and when communicating, put it in a form that conveys to the other people that he personally will benefit.]
Example 1: If you are invited to do something, show appreciation first, and change people’s focus on others by suggesting alternatives, never spending too much time say you are busy with this or that]
Example 2: Say you are organizing some committee, and you want a person to be on your committee, it is already an honor for him to be in the committee, however, you can speak in the way that he is honored “I would be very glad that you would accept a place in **Committee”. We can put things in a delightful way; create the impression that by accepting the great honor he will be doing a favor.
I found in most of cases, when people getting prompted, often times the supervisor approach in a contrast way, it actually sends a message that the company is doing you a favor to prompting you, so you need to be grateful. Probably people will be happier that when they feel the supervisor is grateful for him to take the new position.
Example 3: You supervisor want you to do something, and you know someone else longed to do this, how we will you address this and make your colleague (could be your intimate friends) feel happy. That is a sensitive situation; you need to handle both people’s feeling. The book introduced one tactics. “I replied that the President thought it would be unwise for anyone to do this officially. Your going would attract a great deal of attention and people would wonder why he was here” Make your colleague feel he was too important for the job-he will satisfied.
Example 4: You have a good perform in your team, while she did not deliver good performance any longer. How you will address this? Start by recognizing how well she has been, how good impact he made to the Company, then continue with that as he has been an outstanding performer in the team, we felt he would want to know that we are not happy with this situation, and suggest that perhaps jointly we could find some way to correct the problem.

6．Develop self-confidence, to do things you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you.

7．Takeaway for leaders:
 1)Begin with praise and honest appreciation; It is like dentist begins the work with Novocain. Find something that they are really proud of and of interest. It is easier to listen to unpleasant things after hearing of praise of our good points.

2) Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly; Changing the word but to and.
Example; We are really proud of you, ,,and by continuing the same efforts next term, you can be up with others.

3) Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person; Admitting one’s own mistakes-even when one hasn’t corrected them, can help convince somebody to change his behavior. The magic of humility and praise.

4)Ask questions instead of giving direct orders; No one likes taking orders

It stimulates creativity, and people are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issues.

Example: It is critical for your company to take an order, however to process order, more hours needed, you can explain how important taking the order means to the company and their own, and ask question like this: Is there anything we can do tom handle this order? Can anyone think of different ways to process it through the shop that makes it possible to take this order? Is there any way to adjust our hours or personnel assignment that would help?
Starting with questions like “You might consider this” or “Do you think that would work?’ “What do you think of this’ or “Maybe if we were to …, it would be better?”

5)Let the other people save face;
Example: if you want some employee to go. Start by thank you for their contribution to the work, if having some specific case to refer, even better. Saying the Company is proud of them, and you believes in them, and don’t want them to forget it. They have got the stuffs-they are going a long way, wherever they are working. They will leave happily.

6)praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise;

7)Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to;
Example: You are refused by someone, you called up your courage and want to reapproach it, how you will ensure you will receive this opportunity. [You are always willing to listen and are big enough to change your mind when the facts warrant a change.]
If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. Like Shakespeare says “Assume a virtue, if you have it not”

The average person can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.,

 8)Use encouragement . Make the fault seem easy to correct;
Tell someone he is stupid/dumb at something, we will lose every incentive for him to improve. The opposite technique works. Be liberal about your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, and let him know you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it, he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

9)Make the other person happy about doing the thing your suggest.